Good Times
by BurlyShirly
Summary: Edward and Bella are living out their happily-ever-after, but what happens when a certain group from Bon Temps, Louisiana make their way to Forks? And how does Renesmee fit into this equation? Obviously a crossover fic with True Blood.
1. Chapter 1

**My Correspondence With Charles Manson**

**A Collection of Letters Written By Jessica Dorring and Sent to Charles Manson **

Dear Charles Manson,

I am a desperately lonely teenage girl with a spectacular hatred for my father. Will you be my honeybumpkins? I live in New Zealand with my pet spider monkey, Ahab. He's quite the character! Why, just today he shat in my hat! He's a good guy though; he didn't mean anything by it.

I hope that you come visit me soon. I know that New Zealand is a really long way away from the Secure Housing Unit at San Quentin, but I can sure make it worth the long trip (I practice giving blowjobs on the smallest of my television remotes). ;-) Besides, it'll be a nice vacation from all the darkness and loneliness you've become so accustomed to over there.

I don't know why people think you're such a bad guy. I mean, yeah, you _were_ involved in the murders of a few people. So what? I mean, I've done much worse. I hope that they see sense and let you out of there soon. That is, if you _want_ to be released. I hear talk that you wanna stay in there for the rest of your life, but I'm sure that's just some bullshit someone or another is spreading about you.

Ahab tells me that he thinks your beard would be very course and unpleasant to sleep against, but I think that it looks soft and fluffy. Like a pillow!

Hey, Charlie, have you ever read this book called Twilight? It's actually a whole series of books. They're soooooo good! Everyone's reading them. I can't remember if you can read or not, but I'm pretty sure that even if you can't you'll be able to understand these books. Even the illiterate are able to read them! That's how much the author of these books believes in equal opportunity. Her name is Stephenie Meyer and she's awesome. I met her once. She complemented my stage makeup. She's a hero of mine, just like you!

You wanna know more about me, Charlie? How sweet of you to care! No one cares for me here at home which is why I am forced to seek the comfort of an older man like you, convicted and almost sent to death for murdering seven innocent people. My logic makes sense, huh? Anyways, to answer your question, I haven't always lived in New Zealand. I was actually born in South Central L.A. during whaling times, but when my father, who radically opposed the manufacturing and harvesting of artichokes during the Cold War, was told he would be inheriting the family's artichoke farm, he eloped with my mother. My mom is half sheep, half woman. Don't ask which half is which; you won't like the answer either way…

Oops! I've said too much! I should probably go and feed Ahab anyway. He's already begun unraveling his own intestines and digesting them internally. I'll be sure to write you later!

Love and Admiration,

Jessica Dorring


	2. Chapter 2

deer Jesicca Doringg,

im Charlie. i lick eggs and popsickle stiks four brekfast. doo you?

p.s i luv monkees. and those books sownd gewd.

luv an admyracion

charlie


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Charlie,

Thank you so much for allowing me to call you Charlie! I thought I was being too forward in my first letter. Now that I have you're blessing I won't be using your full name any time soon. I'm sure it just reminds you of the trial.

I can't believe that you eat eggs and Popsicle sticks for breakfast! That's what I feed the children I babysit as their midnight snack! It's such a small world, huh?

From your letter I am led to believe that you aren't all that literate, but you seem to grasp the basics of grammar, spelling, punctuation, and character development enough to be able to read and enjoy the Twilight books. You're going to love Edward. He's such a sexy vampire! His words put a fire in my vagina! If I don't wind up getting pregnant and marrying a man who I worship rather than love, then my life will have been worth nothing! I don't want to cure cancer, help the homeless, or end world hunger, I just want something carnivorous to fuck me and impregnate me. I hope that "someone" will be you someday, Charlie. You're not exactly carnivorous, but you're close enough to count.

I'm so glad that you like monkeys because now when you move in with me I won't have to sell Ahab. He was always really worried about that. However, if he interrupts our lovemaking with his constant instant messaging I'll be sure to put that sucka to sleep!

Love and Admiration,

Jessica Dorring


	4. Chapter 4

deer Jesssca dorrin

i sneezd twelv tymes todai.

luv ndadmonition,charlz


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Charlie,

Wow, that's impressive! My record is five.

Ahab watched MeatSpin for a total of 8 hours today. I could only make it for 3. He's had more practice, though.

Love and Admiration,

Jessica Dorring

P.S. See how long you can make it!


	6. Chapter 6

deer Jesicca Dorng,

wut meatspin is?

luv and apparition,

charlie


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Charlie,

Silly me! Sometimes I forget that you've been cooped up in prison for most of your life! MeatSpin is this great site on the Internet that shows this little snippet of a gay porno playing over and over again in a loop with the song "You Spin Me Right 'Round" playing in the background. It gives the illusion that one of the guy's dicks is spinning around and around forever until the end of time. The goal is to watch it for as many spins as possible. People compete around the world to see who views the most rotations of the catcher's fat dong. I only made it to 562. Ahab scored 1506. Bastard.

Love and Admiration,

Jessica Dorring


	8. Chapter 8

deer Jessca Dorning,

no cumpewtrs allowd in hear. im a dangr two otherz an myselph. to bad. i enjoi penus.

luv and Paddington Station

charlee


End file.
